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    Illustrations by Jeremy Eaton It's a generally accepted fact that "science" becomes less tedious with the addition of terms like "vibrator," "handjobs," and "vaginal tightness. And while other newspapers devote science columns to subjects that could only appeal to the nerdiest of nerds, the Mercury only gives a shit about one thing: SEX. That's why for the fourth year in a row, the Mercury Sex Survey shows you how other people do it; so YOU can do it better. Something popular that the kids like? We should steal their idea!
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    'The Blowjob Paper:' Scientists Processed 109 Hours of Oral Sex to Develop an AI that Sucks Dick

    Everyone has questions about blow jobs, so I called up Dr. The truth: Every guy has preferences on just how wet things get during oral, but don't worry if you feel like you're drooling everywhere. That's part of what feels makes this whole thing feel good, so if you're slobbering all over it, don't worry.
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    The Autoblow AI, a sex toy made for penis-possessing individuals, consists of a rubbery sleeve and a motor housed inside a canister that aims to simulate oral sex. Instead of repetitive, mechanical motions, this "AI mode" promises to replicate the nuanced and unpredictable motions of a real, human blowjob. In order to do this, the company asked a team of six people to watch and annotate hours of porn and hired machine learning engineers to create a model to take all that data and translate it into what the toy does. This entire process took three years. We use quantization techniques to discover sixteen distinct motions, and using these motions we design and evaluate a system that procedurally generates realistic movement sequences using deep learning.
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